All I ever wanted to tell you..~

Do you ever wonder why i always scold you and always said hate you and etc...
all bad words come through my mouth actually I didn't mean it...
I really wanted to see you 24 hours, 365 days, 12 months, 7 days in 1 week...
and I wanted to know u better and better...
Why don't you tell me you don't like me and just tell me off...
I know I will become very sad because of these cruel words...
but it's better than give me false hope and waiting for no reason...
maybe you feel that there's no need to explain to me...
but I need your explanation so badly!
I wanted to know deep in your heart...
have you ever like me before...
If not why you treat me so good...
whenever I ask you what kind of relationship are we...
you always answer me is friend..
I can accept that we are friend and I do really hope you treat me like a friend...
just like how you treat your other friend as well..
please stop ignoring me...
please stop give me false hope
please stop treating me so good..
I just hope you will treat me like a friend...
I think that we should stop being so close to each other...
I still remember the moment where you make me angry and try to make me happy again..
I really appreciate it...
I stil remember when it was heavy rain you open the door for me and help me with the umbrella...
I very happy about it...
I still remember where you lend me your shoulder when we are watching horror movie..
and you without hesistance convince me the movie not that scary and give me a hug...
I feel I'm the luckiest person ever...
I also still remember when you started to ignore me...
I'm so sad...
I also remember when you ask me to do this and that without embarrased...
I was curious why you treat me in other way...
but all this is just history..
I do not know you treat your other friend that way as well...
but we can't become couple at least we can be friend..
but from the way you treat me...
not like the way you treating your other friend..
this make me so sad..
I have ever wanted to forget about you...
my mind trying to forget you and all this feeling..
but my heart really can't do it well..
I think I'm having heart disease as well..
heart disease where started by you...
I really do hope someone can help me cure my heart...
I feel so sad and depressed...
I know I shouldn't think about you again...
but my mind keep thinking about you..
wherever I go or do will remind me of you...
Oh God! can you please stop playing with me...
if we are really not meant to be...
please just erase our memories..
and I just wan to live a simple happy life...
I'm so regret why I know you...
I shouldn't have know you..
If we never meet, I think I will live happily now...
but anyway..I still will live happily...
without you..~
Can I live happily?
or is it just a lie that I make to convince myself...
to stop loving him..
I really hope the next morning when I wake up you are out from my memories...
because I really can't faced you anymore...
maybe we are not meant to be together..
this is just a wrong fate..really really wrong~

Depressed and sad...~